lately i’ve been feeling stuck, stagnant. i get so exhausted and waste my evening hours. i get so wound up by routines. J is better at straying from routines, and that is not altogether intentional, but it is a good balance to me.
i read about wonderful adventures and am constantly reminding myself that there is more out there. why do i feel so bound by the formulas that confine so many people? there is safety in it. a stable income. the certainty of healthcare. the illusion that you’ve got it all covered.
but where is the meaning in it all? i struggle with that. i’m not really pursuing anything creative right now, apart from occasional casual blog posts. i get by on a minimum of reading, exercising and socializing. i crave solitude and sleep. i’m not doing many new things. i would like to be helping others and learning new and exciting things. sharing wonderful things with my family.
the sad social media world makes us reflect on our own lives and feel inferior to others. perhaps that’s what’s going on, like when i see J and S swimming in the Mediterranean sea, or record shopping in the likes of tel aviv. J seems to have spent most of the summer abroad, wearing wellies in beautiful scandinavia.
what can i do, really, to make a difference? i want to come up with some very out there ideas to help me really break out of the mold. even now, i had to leave the house because i was in the vortex of housework and reality tv.
OK, here are some very out there ideas:
– start a band with JC Moms
– start a mama’s afternoon
– start a family food night
– make a list of movies and do movie night with the hubs at home
– watch at least 3 movies a month. movies tend to inspire me.
– do yard work at my parents’ house.
– write one song a month
i need incentives, true. and i need some deadlines. like, wash duvet cover by x date or else… blah blah blah.
my ideas do revolve around socializing and touch on music. i have such a hard time narrowing things down.
meanwhile i also feel the need to job hunt, and yet part of me feels so… deflated about that all. music and socializing.