feeling lost in so many ways.

What is my plan?
How do I best deal with my condition while remaining as healthy & fit as possible?
What are my limits with my son?
What sort of education should I be partaking in before the baby arrives?

i wish i knew how to fix my hair and do makeup. i feel like a frump much of the time. this hair isn’t flattering on me. but i used to do long hair. it works sometimes.

many of the professions i look into are truly banal and not up my alley. part of it is the rigorous, unhealthy work ethic. i would love to do something simpler, more meaningful and rewarding. that fits into my schedule. but i would then have to take a huge paycut.

i want to be learning new things.

guitar chords
techy things – what technology is on the rise
technical writing chops
financial stuff
makeup & hair

i always have trouble narrowing things down and choosing a focus. last night i played a few minutes of guitar and sang. it had been months upon months really. aside from the ad hoc jam sessions we have with ethan and friends, i really haven’t done that since we lived at 253.

the weather, it does crazy things. like spring sunshine, it can just put you in a great, inspired mood. my legs are very sluggish today, but i was still very happy to go for my short morning walk, take the long flight up at christopher to get my matcha hot chocolate. i just love Chalait.

the summer ahead seems long. will i be able to do things like, watch the little guy for an entire afternoon? that already seems like a huge feat. our outing on saturday was not too bad, but it’s getting harder. the hardest parts? getting him in and out of the car, in and out of the stroller, and getting the stroller in and out of the car.

trying to stay positive while being practical. getting our bed, just need to clean up the cosleeper and carseat. are those the most important things? stock up on diapers and wipes. wash the old newborn clothes.

figure out our long-term strategy.

yes, i’m definitely starting to feel out of touch with what’s new in pop culture. i mean, i don’t really get snapchat and i don’t watch game of thrones. i’ve never had a freakin cronut, and those things are years old already. bushwick is some faraway foreign place to me. yes, i feel out of touch and old.

i’m so sluggish. i worry about exerting too much effort, for fear that the placenta previa is going to rear its ugly head early. got to stay focused, stay positive. getting to know my 5 months-pregnant body is tricky, knowing how to take in enough calories, stay healthy, while not eating too much at once (thus bloating me and making me feel like i am 8 months pregnant). i hate that i have to deal with these difficulties and the guy doesn’t. you know? like i have to drink tons of water before leaving the house and yet i have to pee so bad after a brief train ride, only half way into my commute, running to starbucks. it’s annoying.

feeling invigorated

not sure why, but i’m in a good mood. i feel productive. i worked on the baby room today and managed to unpack clothes, break down some boxes and get rid of clutter. it felt great! i made a list and got through it all. the whole time, i monitored my food & water intake. monitoring my calories/nutrients is a game-changer. it helps me keep consistent energy to exert the effort i need to. i also decided to work in the morning, when i tend to have the most energy.

i now know that i need to buy a filing cabinet, and that will really help eliminate much of the paper clutter.

what drains me is when the little bossman becomes mischievous, challenging. he has some demands that we might refuse to meet. dealing with that becomes an energy suck. i wish taming toddler emotions was a simpler thing. there are so many wonderful things i want to teach him about life.

Operation Life-in-Order

May is the grand finale of my second trimester. i’d better make it a great month! i’m feeling inspired to get things in order. get things organized and settled in time for the baby. i’m talking house, family, self, friends, everything!

what are my priorities?
– stay healthy & focused on loved ones
– plan for the future
– take advantage of the warm weather!

in order to really be productive, i’ve got to get a good handle on my health and fitness. i get so exhausted quickly if i’m not getting the right amount of nutrients and calories.

calories needed per day: 2200-2500
glasses of water: 12-13 glasses
fruit servings: 3-4 servings
veg servings: 4-5
grains: 9-11 servings
dairy: 3 servings
protein: 3 servings:

caffeine per week?

need to set some deadlines and talk to josh about buying things for the house.

need to also explore long term options.

trying to be present.

trying to remain in the present. amidst the din and stress, a greater appreciation of the true present. especially now during this time in my life. the present is always here, always beckoning, often ignored.

right now i am feeling congested, happy to be seated, and happy to be typing, and enjoying the peace and quiet. enjoying the mild sunshine. and the springtime. i had matcha, so i am feeling an elevated heartbeat. my belly feels full. but all in all i feel pretty good. tired in a good way.

i don’t quite know how to tackle the baby room. the endless boxes just seem like an eternity. i need a container to put clothes in. maybe for now, i can just pile them on the shelf. why not. until i get containers. where will containers go? perhaps i hold off on containers until we get ethan’s dresser. then i can shift baby clothes to the cubbies and use a container for my clothes.

the stress comes from: uncertainty regarding the future. what is sustainable? this commute with a baby just doesn’t seem feasible.

also: the trip to zika-land.

in general: commuting everyday.

we can look at it this way: next week i will attempt to commute everyday. after that, i will have two days’ respite at the very least. the following week, vacation! and then it will be the end of april. so i can try to stick it out that week or i will begin my once-a-week wfh sojourn.

i like using the word ‘sojourn,’ which i think i got from scott uk.

i stress also about trying to figure out the future. make half as much money as i make? spend no time with my new child? it seems stressful enough just trying to work out my leave schedule. i’d love for us to travel in december, before peak travel time.

Water: 8-9?
Fruits/Veggies: Caesar salad, an orange, broccoli, avocado, pico de gallo for dinner. 5 servings?! Yay.
Exercise: Felt more energized. Lots of stairs, and did dropoff/pickup. Lots of cleanup last night at home.
Sleep: 10-6:30. 8.5 hours!!!

Water: 8-9 glasses
Fruits/veggies: spinach savory foldover, mushroom/avocado wrap, big broccoli serving for dinner.
Exercise: Lots of stairs. Good amount of walking: to Newport path, commuted home via bus, went to Little Beet.
Sleep: 10:30-6:30? 8 hours!

Yay more fruits and veggies.